Any great love story has a point where fantasies begin to crumble, and the flaws start to become apparent.
After the thrill of adrenaline wears off, the toilet behaviors are revealed, the red-hot romance may simmer, and the "happily ever after" appears to be unfolding in a strikingly unexpected manner than you thought.
Strong respect, dedication, and camaraderie stay unchanged in successful marriages years after the rose-colored glasses vanish.
Yet, what transpires after the honeymoon period after you uncover a new realm of abnormality and incompatibility?
Apparently, your partner contaminates your sense of peace by making you anxious when you sense their footsteps approaching.
Worst case scenario: your rationality and safety are called into question. In other words, what if your relationship turns dangerous?
Infidelity or an extramarital affair
The relationship can be doomed when one person seeks fulfillment outside of the partnership, particularly physical or sexual. When a spouse feels deceived, it is incredibly complicated to regain their trust.
Extramarital relations are why 20-40% of marriages break down and end in divorce. One of the most prevalent reasons for divorce is infidelity. However, people's motives for cheating aren't as simple as our rage would have us believe.
Betrayal is frequently motivated by discontent and bitterness compounded by disparities in sex drive and an absence of emotional resonance. According to Ruth Houston, a relationship expert, infidelity starts as a fairly harmless friendship in most cases.
What begins as a passionate relationship progresses to a sexual relationship. One of the most common grounds for divorce is infidelity. Aside from being separated and torturing your partner, it is also one of the statutory grounds for divorce (cognitive or physiological).
When a couple is not on the same wavelength about managing their finances, it can escalate to disastrous consequences. Why is financial disharmony the leading cause of divorce?
As per recent divorce statistics, a "last straw" factor for divorce is an absence of economic congruence, which accounts for about 41% of all divorces.
Everything from divergent buying patterns and monetary aspirations to one spouse having significantly more money than the other can stretch a marriage to hit rock bottom, resulting in a fight for power.
Disputes in the amount of money one spouse contributes into the marriage can also contribute to dominance issues in the marriage.
You stop confiding in each other
Couples that have unsettled, ongoing disagreement and a habit of low-grade antagonism even when they aren't arguing lose sight of the other as a means of solace, love, or companionship rapidly.
They stop behaving like peers, such as coordinating enjoyable activities, having faith in one another, expressing their worries, or even discussing their day.
They shrink back, frequently out of fear of being shunned or harmed if they appear too weak.
There is a whole lot of disapproval
Your marriage may be in peril if you roll your eyes more than a teenager at a humorous anecdote and speak to each other sarcastically (no, not the clever John Oliver sort).
Lack of respect is frequently the result of a breakup in a relationship—infidelity, concealment, or some other offense.
It's difficult to recover from contempt and hatred. It is unethical to approach your partner in a harsh, vicious manner, and you should not be addressed in the same way. Thus, making your marriage work with a discourteous approach is certainly not a way to fix a relationship.
There is potential if you are ready to fight through the situation that is at the foundation of your distaste. But keep in mind that you can't get rid of disdain without first figuring out what caused it.
Escape fantasies kick in
People begin to experience worthlessness when relationship tension is not handled and grows progressively corrosive. You have no idea how things will turn out, and you can't foresee a way forward.
As a result, instead of interacting, you begin to consider other options for resolving the issue. Disengagement appears to be the most common solution. Unfortunately, divorce isn't simple, and most couples learn that the hard way.
You might begin to fantasize about how different life would be if you lived separately. Holidays you'd undertake, how you'd pass your time, how you'd parent by yourself.
Compared to the rage and despair they feel about their marriage, these fantasies typically make couples feel a tiny bit eager and enthusiastic.
If a relationship is in trouble, spouses frequently seek milestones such as the children leaving the house as a moment of freedom and liberty.
Others wait for favorable financial conditions, such as a new job, a particular quantity of funds, or other tangible assets, to materialize.
They are, nevertheless, ticking down the days until the key is turned and the door swings open, leading to liberation.
Absence of intimacy and romance
Becoming disconnected from your partner can swiftly destroy marriage since it makes couples feel like they're dwelling with strangers or are more like roommates than lovers.
This isn't necessarily about sex and can stem from a dearth of physical or emotional bonds. Giving your spouse the silent treatment regularly can destroy your relationship to the extent that it leads to divorce in the long run.
Varying sexual urges and desires going unaddressed are common problems for couples, and you whimper to yourself, "This is not what I want out of my marriage."
Furthermore, our sexual requirements vary as we get older, which can contribute to emotions of bewilderment and disappointment. Negating your partner's sexual needs has recently been identified as the leading divorce trigger.
Both partners are responsible for keeping the connection potent and meaningful. To improve your relationship, practice small gestures of generosity, gratitude, and physical closeness as much as needed.
Gaining weight is one of the leading causes of divorce, despite how trivial or unreasonable it may appear. Excess weight is one of the top factors of divorce.
In certain circumstances, a considerable degree of weight increase prompts the other partner to appear less aesthetically attractive.
In contrast, weight gain has a negative impact on people's self-esteem, which can lead to sexual troubles and ultimately divorce.
Get the help you need
Arturo James Daly pitches towards couples who jump through hoops in finding solutions to save their marriage or are waiting to know when to divorce. To safeguard and sustain your marriage life from teething troubles in the present time and future, read "7 Ways To What Makes Love Last" by Arturo James Daly today!
The book is also available in Spanish: